The never ending drunken ramblings of the great man have been captured after our sources followed him high and low throughout seedy late night venues. Born and bred in Auckland, Gazz left home at the tender age of seventeen and never returned.

It was only after his parents launched a missing persons investigation that he was found in Dunedin supping Speights, completely unaware that he had told his mother he was going out to buy some milk and bread. He intends to reunite with his parents once he's sorted his s*** out and completed his novel (which of course he says will be a blockbuster).

If you want to get in touch with the literary worlds' answer to Tiger Woods: -